Well there you have it folks. What I have always expected to be true has been confirmed. Thanks to female Narwhals, we now know that size DOES matter, and all that how you use it bullshit is just that, bullshit. Can't say I'm surprised by the discovery, but I can say that I personally am very disappointed. Just between you and me, if I was a Narwhal, my "sexual weapon" as the article puts it would almost be invisible to the naked eye. Now I don't even have the illusion of it being the motion of the ocean that matters. Such a shame, but thank you female Narwhals for not perpetuating the charade that has been put forward by your human counter parts since the beginning of time.
Quick side note, was I the only one that thought Narwhals didn't exist before seeing this? I can't be. I mean I thought they were like the unicorns of the ocean or some fairy tale like that? The only time I've been familiar with a Narwhal is when Mr. Narwhal told Buddy the Elf bye and that he hopes he finds his dad. Nice guy that Mr. Narwhal. Absolute HOG of a horn on him too.
One more thing. To all the suits and readers that are going to get on me for "tHiS iSnT sPoRtS", there ain't no sports right now, so I have been freed of the sports shackles that have previously been binding me. Suck on that one haters.
(Photo Courtesy of Getty)